Home Not So Sweet Home
by Scourge The Hedgehog
Summary: Scourge the Hedgehog and three of his Destructix friends are force to live in a house in Soleanna after their organization disbands. Seems cool, right? If you count a booby-trapped house, big egos and two annoying hedgehogs as cool. Much ScourgeXFiona.
1. Home Sweet Home? Yeah, Right!

**Chapter 1 **

**Home Not- So-Sweet Home**

**Comic Disclaimers, I don't own the Destructix. I wish I did, though...**

"Are you kiddin' me?" Scourge the Hedgehog says as he looks at Finetivus, the Scientist Echidna.. "You mean to tell me that our group's mission is to live in a house? And since when did we retire?"

"Since the author decided it so." Says a white technological echidna. "I made that house, so you must test it out for me. I need to make sure that it is the ultimate death trap. What better guinea pigs than you four?"

Scourge and his friends Sleuth Dawg, Fiona Fox, and Drago Wolf look at the scientist stupefied. Fiona puts her hands on her hips and pouts. "Why must we test out a death trap that you can just shove any old Mobian into?"

"You all can get past the traps." The scientist replies. "If a normal person is killed, how will the test be completed?"

Drago starts too. "Your'e trying to kill us, aren't you? Doing away with us by sending us off..."

Sleuth looks at Drago flabbergasted. "If he was tryin' to off us, don't you think he would've done it by now, you lummox?"

"Shut up, all of you." Scourge says, irritated. He turns to Finetivus and grins menacingly. "Fine. But, only a month. No longer. Deal?"

The scientist punches Scourge to the far wall. Fiona just watches while Sleuth and Drago laugh with glee. "Idiot got owned!" Sleuth says. "Damn!" Drago adds.

"Shut you mouth, Dawg. Otherwise you won't get any bones." Said Fiona, who slaps them both silly. "Where is this house, Fin?"

"In the middle of Station Square. The blue and black hedgehogs are there, too. Make friends with them if you can. You all need to socialize."

"What makes you think that we would want to be FRIENDS with them if we've tried to kill them on many occasions?" Fiona asks.

"We are_ retired_, remember?" Says the scientist. "Besides, they wouldn't try to kill us. If they wanted to, they would've sent us to the Devil's Gulag."

"Come off it, Fin." Said Scourge. "They hate us, we hate them. We'll just ignore them. So Fin, where's this house again?"

They head down to Station Square. Sleuth Dawg carrying groceries provided by Finetivus. "Man, this sucks." Said Scourge as he holds Fiona's hand as they walk.

"What are you doing here?" Someone asks.

Scourge turns to see Sonic and Shadow. Shadow was drinking a milkshake while staring Scourge down.

"Hey, hey." Fiona says as she puts her hands up in an exasperated gesture. "We're retired. We won't be on your blue ass if you aren't on ours. Ok? The black one's cool, though."

"Retired?" Shadow asks, dissappointed that he had to stop drinking his shake. "Likely story. Why shouldn't we just do you all in now and go home happy?"

Drago walks up to Shadow and looms over him menacingly. Shadow keeps on drinking.

"If we are retired, then we are. Get it?"

Shadow spits on Drago's shirt and then follows Sonic, who was ushering them away. "Bastards..." Drago mumbles as he resumes following the others.

They come to the house. It's red walls mesmerizing them.

"Okay, let's-" Drago would;ve said, had it not been for the lasr that zips by his head. Since he's a dog-person of sorts, he does what any dog would've done. He zips, Barks, and runs around, trying to put out the flame rthat appears out of his hair.The other two run around, too.

While more lasers appear, Fiona does the smart thing, and rings the doorbell. lasers stop abruptly as the boys end up in poses similar to what you would see on Egyptian artifacts.

"Sigh..."


	2. Settling in Or Not

**Chapter 2 **

**Settling in. Or Not.**

**Author: Fiona, can you do this?  
**

**Fiona: Fine. We belong to Sega, the author's just using us in his story. This cahpter might be kind of long, though. Hey Author, what kind of music do you have? **

**-Intro Ends-**

The Destructix finally settle down at their new home. While unpacking, they disabled more traps. Drago attempted to take a small shower, only to find that the shower had been replaced by a pool full of sharks, which he abruptly fell into.

While Drago was screaming his head off, Sleuth Dawg was assembling the kitchen. As he pressed a nearby switch thatw as supposed to have the kitchen clean itself, the cleaning accessories proceed to attack him, Carrie-style. **(This is a reference to an old movie called 'Carrie.' Wiki it for details.) **

Fiona made the beds. She saw through the lasers that erupted from the room and dodging them appropriately.

Scourge on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. "AAAAH! Fucking Lasers again!" Scourge was placing furniture in the various rooms.

Fiona just sighed and ignored the chaos that erupted around her. Drago was out of the bathroom, missing part of his tail and sporting many cuts and bruises. Sleuth was using a stray table as a makeshift shield to avoid the flying kitchen utensils that were flying at him like fighter planes. Scourge was just getting past the lasers when Sleuth bumped into him, causing more lasers to fire, as well as the utensils to designate them both as targets.

"Must I do_ everything_ around here?" She asks. She catches the utensils, and throws to Scourge a metal plate. He holds it up, and the lasers bounce off. She goes off and turns off the kitchen-cleaning device.

The flying knives and mops fall lifeless to the ground. Sleuth and Drago look at Scourge, who then looks at Fiona. She scoffs at all three of them.

"So, just because we're retired we can just weaken up, huh? Scourge, your'e fine, since you were still new to the whole mercenary gig even before we joined up. You two on the other hand..." She gives a death-glare to Sleuth and Drago. "You two are trained mercenaries. I don't see running away from flying knives or screaming bloody murder just because of sharks in our job description."

The two remain silent. Scourge spoke up. "Relax, Fiona baby." He grasps her hand and gives her a confident smile while pointing at the dumbstruck Sleuth/Drago. "It's kind of hard to settle into a house that's tryin' to kill you. These two were just unprepared. So were we. You've been with the Freedom Fighters, so you know what your'e doin'. We don't. We'll learn. Just trust me..."

She looks at the green hedgehog calmly. "Fine." she finally replies. "But, i'm haveing someone teach you the basics."

"LISTEN UP, YOU SCRAWNY MAGGOTS!" One day later, Drago, Sleuth, and Scourge were dragged to an athletic track to begin their training. This wasn't the problem. Their hired help was. Fiona hired the roughest, toughest, stupidest person she knew. Sgt. Simian of the former Fearsome Four. **(He screams loud, so that will explain the capital letters.)**

"I AM GOING TO TRAIN YOU UNTIL YOU FALL!" The helmeted monkey shouts way too loudly. "YOU PATHETIC PIECES OF SHIT WILL BE EFFECTIVE KILLING MACHINES EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU!"

drago whispers to Sleuth about how loud Sgt. is. The two supress snickers. Scourge does, too.

"WHAT'S HAPPENING OVER THERE?" The monkey asks as he stomps toward the snickering three. They resume soldier positions immediately.

"YOU THREE LAUGHING AT ME?" He asks as the two shake their heads rapidly. "DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME ONE THOUSAND! NOW!

All three scream at once as they realize that Fiona was the one and only master of cruel, sick jokes.


	3. Babysitting And Tyrannical Monkeys

**Chapter 3 **

**Babysitting And Tyrannical Monkeys**

**Scourge: Yo, Scourge here! Author's busy, so i'm stuck with the damn disclaimers. Me, Fio, Simian, Drago, and Sleuth belong to the maker of the Comic series. Now get outta our house, bitches! **

**-Slams Door, Intro Ends.-**

Whille the boys were receiving the most rigorous training of their lives, Fiona Fox decided to seek a job that can get her some money.

She calls a hotline that was recently established in Soleanna. This Hotline hooks you up with a job of your choosing. Fiona for our laughter's sakes, chooses babysitting.

"Hello? Asks the Operator. "May I help you?"

"Yes." Says Fiona. "Is there a babysitting job open? I would like to try it."

"Yes. I will give you the address of the one that posted the offer."

Fiona then proceeds to the house designated the next day. She rings the doorbell. A kind, old, Linx woman answers.

"Hello." The woman says. "You must be the aformentioned sitter, Fiona Fox?"

"Yep, that's me." Fio replies. "So, where's the little bundle of -?"

Before she can finish her sentence however, she is mowed down by a child that's at least 3 years old.

"Lightning!" The woman chatises the child. "Behave yourself!"

The child, who is later found out to be male, gets up and starts running around wildly. Fiona, after an irritated gasp, looks at the woman and says: "That's gonna cost you extra."

Meanwhile, Scourge, Sleuth, and Drago were running an 80-mile lap around the field. Not so bad, right? Not when the monkey that assigned you the task was shooting at you with a machine gun attached to a tank to hurry you up!

"MOVE, YOU SONS OF BITCHES! MOVE!" The monkey screams as he unloads another round of bullets at the furries.

"This guy's a fucking psycho!" Sleuth shouted over the tank's humming.

"I second that, and me and you never agree!" Shouted Drago.

"Fio better be havin' more luck at gettin' a job than we are workin' with this guy!" Scourge shouted as he dodges another bullet.

"MOVE!!"

Scenes shift as Fiona is seen cooking using the old woman's utensils. Lightning is still running around playfully. Fiona has been tending to him all day. They played Twister, Sorry, and even Monopoly. "Time for dinner!" She shouts as Lightning zooms around the room. After two minutes of waiting, she shouts. "GET IN A CHAIR SO YOU CAN EAT!" She pants angrily until the child sits, terrified by Fiona's outburst.

She feeds the ball of energy Mac And Cheese. While the child eats, she rests on a nearby couch. "How does this woman put up with this...thing?!" She thinks to herself.

She bearely even blinks before the child is right back on top of her. "Did you--?' She turns to see an empty plate spinning from Lightning's zoom. Her eyes go wide with fear and stress.

"Play! Play!" The child screams excitedly.

"Look." Fiona attempts to reason with the thing, "Auntie Fio's tired. There are cartoons on upstairs. Can Fio sleep a bit?"

She looks at the child pleadingly. "PLAY!" The child screams, and then starts to sniffle.

"Oh, no." Fiona backs away from the child. "Don't you do it, you piece of-"

"WAAAAAHHHHHH!" The child sobs heavily. "I WANNNA PLAY!"

Fio heaves a retired sigh."Fine, fine. I'll get the games." She trudges wearily upstairs. The child then does a full 180 and resumes his playful-like running manner.

The boy's situation couldn't be any worse. After the 80-Mile run and rigorous exercising, they were practically dead. Simian ignored their condition.

"Okay, bitches." The Seargeant said rather quietly. "That's enough for today."

The three look up at the sky happily, thanking whatever made them for it's divine intervention.

"Y'all did me proud today. And maybe someday, i'll see you all in the military." He does a soldier salute and the hedgehog and the two dogs reply in kind. The Sgt. then walks away, leaving them to prattle amongst themselves.

"Well," Said Scourge, "I'm going to be feeling this tomorrow." He lifted up his arm, only to have it limp back down.

"Wait." Said Drago. "If the Sgt. left, how do we get home?!"

"Fuck, man!" Cursed Sleuth.

The three sigh yet again and begin to trudge toward Soleanna, which was 20 Miles away.

Fiona lays on a couch wearily. After 2 more games of Twister, the child finally went to sleep. "Ugh..." She moans. "Finally, the little thing's asleep."

The woman comes in later and when Fiona accepts her pay, she trudges home. As soon as she enters her house, she simply buries herself on her couch. The door opens again, and three weary furries who Fiona knows enters the room.

"How was training?" She asked Scourge, who could barely keep his eyes open.

Scpurge just looks at her, and utters only one sentence. "Don't...ever...hire...Sgt. Simian...AGAIN!"

He then passes out on the floor, the other two following suit.

"I knew they could do it." She says to herself, just before passing out herself.

The four lay sprawled on the floor asleep, each in their own little world.


	4. An Offer You Can't Refuse

**Chapter 4 **

**An Offer You Can't Refuse**

**Sgt. Simian: LISTEN UP, SOLDIERS! WE OF THE DESTRUCTIX AND FEARSOME FOUR BELONG TO ARCHIE COMICS. THE AUTHOR CLAIMS NO F-ING OWNERSHIP! OH, THIS CHAPTER HAS SOME MATURE SCENES, SO IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT COUPLES DO TO MAKE BABIES, THEN SKIP THIS CHAPTER. UNDERSTAND? GOOD. NOW MOVE OUT, BITCHES! **

**-Marches off, Intro Ends.-**

Shortly after the long, evil two days that nearly wiped out our heroes, our furries are finally rejuvinated by sound sleeping.

Scourge is the first to wake up. "Ah." He streches his arms and walks to the kitchen to pour himself some milk. He takes a sip and smacks his lips gleefully. Fiona enters the room.

"Mornin' Scourgey." She says as she pours herself a glass, too. "Mornin', Fio." He replies. "Man, yesterday took so much out of me."

"Sorry about Simian." Shes says while holding back a chuckle. "Once he's in Military mode, only a head concussion could snap him out of it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Scourge says playfully. "I could've popped him one with a bat that me and Sleuth found."

Fiona takes the Green Blur into her arms and smiles. "I'm just glad you made it home. And, your'e quite fun when you act evil."

"Heh, heh." The Hedgey laughs. "I'm glad that I came back to you, my darling fox. Why don't we make up in my bedroom?"

"Oh, your SO cute when your'e begging for sex." Says Fiona. "Let's go."

The two head into the bedroom and close/lock their door. Moaning is heard from the room 5 minutes later.

Sleuth and Drago, wgo were still asleep, wake up to the moaning. "Are they hurt or something?" Drago asks.

"Maybe it's best to leave 'em alone." Says Sleuth. "You know how they get when they're cranky."

Someone knocks on the door. Drago answers to see Tails, the fox scientist. Or so they thought. This one had a black lock of hair and a black suit on. He was also sucking a Tootsie Pop, Mafia-style. Who ever heard of a Goth Tails?

"Where's Scourge and Fiona?" He asks.

"Who wants to know?" Asks Sleuth, who looms over the fox.

A mechanical fist (As seen in Sonic Battle when playing as Tails.) pops from the fox's tails, sending Sleuth flying to the other side of the wall across from the door. The fox's hands never even left his pockets.

"Name's Evil Tails. But you can call me Evil." Says the Mafia-like fox. "Tell Scourge about me. He'll vouch for me."

The fox enters the household confidently. He hears moaning, and immediately seeks out it's source. He enter's Scourge's bedroom to see Scourge and Fiona, kissing, half-naked. Their eyes go wide and their moaning stops as soon as they see Evil Tails standing in the room. Evil stands snickering while Scourge and Fio are embarrased at being seen.

The furries both look at Evil Tails, who summons a camera from his tails, snaps a picture of the embarrassed couple."Cheese!" Scourge gets up, still naked, pissed off.

"GET THE F--K OUT!" He shouts as Evil runs to the Living Room laughing like hell.

"What's goin' on?" Sleuth asks Evil as the Fox sits on the couch roaring with laughter. Drago soon enters.

"Ha, ha. Lookie here." Says Evil as he shows the picture of the couple to Sleuth and Drago. When Scourge and Fiona re-enter the room, they see all three of their friends on the floor, roaring with laughter.

"Okay, okay." Scourge ushers them to calm down. They don't stop, so Fiona intervenes. "SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!"

They immediately quiet down. Except for Evil, who still suppresses a snicker or two.

"What are you doin' here, Evil?" Scourges asks Evil.

"Fin told me that you all moved to Soleanna. I wanted to see if you dumbasses actually survived this death machine. But, it seems that you guys survived quite well. Pleasure aplently." He looks at Scourge and Fiona Evilly. "I have a favor that i need of you all." The fox says. The other three listenin intently.

"Evil Sally kicked me out of the Anti-Freedom Fighters after our last screw-up and I need a place to crash. Can i stay?"

"No." Scourge replies nonchalantly. "Now, get out."

"Hold on, Scorge. I'm making you an offer you can't refuse." He shows Scourge the sex picture that he just took. "If i'm cast out, this baby hits the Internet, TV, even Radio Stations within the hour. Get the point?"

He looks at Scourge evilly while summoning a laptop from his tails. "I want an answer in 3..2...1..."

"Fine, fine!" Scourge replies. "But, you listen to me. Got it?"

"Thank you." Evil Tails says. "Now where's the drinks?"

And that's how Evil Tails vcame to live with them.


	5. Let's Play Baseball!

**Chapter 5 **

**Let's Play Baseball!**

**Evil Tails: I'll make this quick. We characters belong to Archie Comics, this is just a story. No need to get the police on our furry asses, now is there? Now will you all go home?**

**-Sips tea, Closes door, Intro Ends.-**

Later on the same day that Evil Tails entered the Destructix Household, they all decided to go to the park. Since Drago pulled the short end in a straw-drawing contest, he was stuck with the chores so he couldn't go.

They go to the park, watching little kids play while thinking of how good it would be to just shove those kids into a grating machine. (They ARE evil!)

As they pass the baseball court, Evil Tails speaks. "Hey. How 'bout we play some ball?"

"Yeah! I could be just like Sammy Sosa!" Sleuth remarks as images of Sammy hitting homeruns flow through his head.

"Why don't we just play something else until those Humans are done? We can play Basketball, Soccer, anything."

"Sounds good." Scpurge says, completely ignoring Fiona. "But we need equipment. Bats, Balls, all of that."

"Leave that to me." Says Evil Tails as he preeses buttons on a portable keyboard. Scpurge, however, takes the ekyboard and throws it in the nearby duck pond.

"Let's try this without geeky, technological stuff. 'Kay?"

" That was my TR-70!" Said Evil. "My precious! You owe me 60,000,000 Rings,buddy!"

"Ah, just get a new one." Said Scourge irritably.

"Anyway, let's look in their equipment shed." Says Fiona.

As the foursome look in the equipment shed that was so convieniently left unguarded, the villains find that it's empty.

"Damn it!" Said Scourge. "Now how are we gonna play ball? Basketball's just boring, and we have to put up with klutzy Drago if we just go home. Argh!"

"Wait a minute!" Says Fiona. "Remember the mercenary tools that we brought with us when we moved in? Let's use those instead of baseball stuff. It can be Baseball, but with with more action and getting hurt!"

"Yeah!" Says Scourge. "Besides, we're Anti-Mobians! Just 'cause we are in the Human World, that deosn't mean we have to live like them, too!"

"Let's go already!" Said Sleuth.

The three villains head back to their house and get wooden swords, bandanas, and other things that aren't mentionable, and head back to the court. However, when they got there, police were there.

The scene finally shifts to a jail cell, where the three were put for the night.

"I knew we should've played Basketball." Scourge said.

"Idiots, the whole lot of you." Said Fiona.

It wasn't until an hour later were they bailed out by Drago, who destroyed the station in a rage after getting drunk on some beer that Evil Tails brought with him.

**I know that i got this maerial from Cromartie High School, but a friend requested a chapter where they all get arrested. Also, i was desperate. :)**


	6. Eggman's In The House!

**Chapter 6 **

**Eggman's In The House! Literally!**

**Sleuth: My turn for disclaimers. Well, all of us belong to Archie Comics. That's about it. Now, give me your lunch money! Wait, what? Fine. -Passes microphone to Author.-**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: SOME MAY FIND THIS CHAPTER OFFENSIVE DUE TO SOME THINGS MENTIONED IN HERE. THEREFORE, I PROcLAIM NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE. iF I GET TOO MANY COMPLAINTS ABOUT IT, I WILL ELIMINATE THIS CHAPTER AND REPLACE IT WITH A DIFFERENT ****PLOT. That way, everyone's happy. :)**

**- Intro Ends.-**

After Drago bailed out the foursome and they all went home, they enter their household only to find Eggman dressed in punk/gangster clothes and listening to a weird song on an IPod that he was sporting.

"Wazzup, Scourge-dog?" He says in a gangster manner. He reaches for a high-five only to get rejected coldly.

"Eggy." Scourge asks. "Why are you acting like a punk?"

"I'm not a punk, man. I'm the Eggman. I'm...I'm...Heh..." He eventually turns silent once he sees that none of them are impressed.

"Eggman?" Says Evil Tails. "Stop being an idiot and go back to making your mechs that reveal your egg fetishes to people. We just got out of jail and we want to be left alone."

"Oh, c'mon." Eggman responds, resuming a punk demeanor. "I'm still cool. I'm still hip."

Fiona pushes the scientist onto the couch and explains to him, very frankly, his situation. "I'll make this simple for you, 'Eggy'. You are not a punk or a gangster. You are an outdated, stupid, evil scientist that constantly gets his ass kicked by a blue excuse for a hedgehog, as well as the target of an emotional, conflicted psychopathic black hedgehog. If that's the case, then why are you around _us_?"

Eggman sighs and takes the punk clothes off. "I actually need a favor." He asks. "You see, i've met this guy."

Sleuth and Drago, who have been silent the whole time, speak up as if shocked.

"_You_ actually have a date?" Drago asks.

"Wait. You said _person_." Says Sleuth, who starts acting scared. "Oh no, you didn't come here to tell us that your'e _gay_, are you?"

Scourge, Fiona, and Evil Tails look at the stunned two like they were idiots. And they are, naturally.

"No, you simpletons!" Eggman replies. "Whew." The two Destructix members wipe beads of sweat from their foreheads.

"He's a weapons dealer. But, he's what most people refer to as 'ghetto.' The reason that i'm having trouble is that he maintains a good standing with these types of people, and I don't want to botch a sale just because of social staus or personality."

"Basically." Says Scourge evilly. "He only sells _punk_ weapons to _punks_?"

"Yes. If i'm not ghetto or punk-ish, I can't get them." The scientist replies frankly.

"So, what's that have to do with _us_?" Evil Tails asks.

"You all are..." Eggman begins.

They look at him angrily as they see what he's trying to say.

"Of his kind." The scientist finishes.

"Look here, Egg--" Evil starts until Scourge interrupts.

"What's in it for us?" The hedgehog asks the Doctor evilly. They may be retired, but if there's easy money involved, expect them to help.

"700,000 Rings?" The Doctor asks nervously.

The Furries sigh irritatingly. The Doctor was one stingy bastard.

Fiona finally sighs and answers for them all. "1,000,000 Rings. No more, No less." She says frankly.

"Deal." Says the Doctor. Fiona and Eggman shake hands and the Eggman leaves the house. As soon as he shuts the door, Scourge look at Fiona.

" What was that for?" He asks. "I don't feel like doing any favors for that Egghead!"

"Hey, honey." Fiona replies. "This is easy money. We just go, rough this idiot up, take the weapon, give it to Eggy, and that's it. An easy 1,000,000 Rings. Even Sonic the Do-Gooder Hedgehog wouldn't be stupid enough to ignore this offer."

"He actually _would_ be that stupid, Fio. But, ok." The hedgehog replies sullenly. "But only for _you!"_

"Thank you, Scourgey! I love you so much!" She says as she embraces him playfully.

Later, the Destructix make their way to the address given to them by Eggman. As they enter, they are greeted by loud Punk-Rockish music.

Scourge then destroys the radio and calls the man in here.

"Hey, hey!" The Caucasian man who is dressed in Punk gear exclaims. "Why the f--k did you do that?"

Scourge then pulls the man by the scruff of his shirt collar and holds him single-handedly. "Listen. We want- Wait. What _do _we want?" He asks Fiona while still holding the man.

"Damn!" Fiona curses. "Eggman didn't say which weapon he wanted. Oh, well." Fiona faces the two neglected Destructix members and points to the weapons. "Just take everything! Drago! Sleuth! Get to work!"

The two furries started unloading merchandise from a garage in back. "What the hell are you doin' man? You know who I am? Do you--"

The man is stopped short by an evil grin from Scourge and the sentence: "You really ought to shut up before we lay some smack-down on your ass."

The hedgehog grins evilly, showing fangs that could chomp sharks to shreds. The man does the smart thing and keeps quiet.

After every weaon was hauled into a van found in the back, the green hedgehog lets the man go and prepares to leave with the others.

"I'll get y'all for this!" The man says. "I will!"

"Fio." Scourge says. "Wait in the car." Fiona agrees as she peeks her head out the window of the stolen van to see Scourge do what he does best. Be his bad self.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The green embodiment of evil laughs maniacally as he beats the man to near-death.

The Destructix then leave the dead man in his now empty shop.

They head to the coordinates given to them by Eggman, and give him the weapons requested. However, the Doctor looks unhappy.

"Oh, man." The Doctor sighs. "This isn't what I wanted."

"What do you mean." Evil says. "We got the goods. Hand over the dough."

"No. There was an egg-shaped gun that he had for sale that i wanted. Since it isn't here, i can't pay you." The Doctor turns his back on Scourge and the rest, which wasn't a bright move.

In a flash, Scourge steals the Doctor's wallet, which was sticking out of the Doctor's suit, and they all leave. The Doctor chases after them, but his weight works againist him.

As the Destructix leave, Scourge shouts "YEE-HAW!" and they head into the sunsset 1,000,000 Rings richer.


	7. Yo Mama!

**Chapter 7**

**Scourge's Momma!**

**Author's note: I was watching some funny videos recently so I thought: "What beeter way to update this on-hiatus story by combining both elements?" Anyway, enjoy this revived story...**

Scourge and Co. return to their house after the Weapons fiasco. The moment they get through the door, all of them except for Evil start cheering.

Scourge and Fiona hug each other. Evil just sighs in awe.

"Damn, that's a lot of dough." He says.

"Yeah." Scourge says. "Now. How do we split it?"

"Adding our funds to the already obscene amount, we have...1,200,000 Rings in total." Evil says.

"Let me see." Fiona says.

She does the math, declaring that since there are five of them, one of them will either get a double share, or they will put it in the bank.

_Of course_ they all wanted a double share. They then argued about who should get it.

"It's mine!" "I did all the work!" "I beat that guy to deth!"

Evil, who was surprisingly placid considering the situation, shuts them up.

"There's only one way to settle this." He says. "YO MAMMA FIGHT!"

Everyone quickly agress as they get ready.

Fiona looks at Evil once everyone else leaves the room.

"Why a 'Yo Mamma Fight?" She asks him.

"Let them blow some steam." He replies. "Besides, I want to see them all make fools of themeselves."

"Good point." She says.

The first round was between Drago and Sleuth, who were not exactly the right candidates...

"Yo mamma smells so bad that when she breathes on a pizza, she bakes it!" Drago says.

"Yeah?" Sleuth asks. "Well. Your mamma's so dumb that she took a test and failed it!"

After some booing, the next one was between Scourge and Evil. They decided to take it outside. Other people stopped to listen.

"Yeah." Scourge says. "I got some jokes for your ass..."

"Sure. I'll start." Evil says. "Your momma's so fat that when her beeper goes off, people think she's backin' up!"

Scourge smiles. "Yeah? Well, your momma's so fat that when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone!"

"Good one!" Fiona yells.

"Hmph." Evil says. "Your mama's so old her birth certificate says 'expired'!"

"Whoa!" Drago says.

Scourge retorts:"Your mother's so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch."

Evil: "Your momma's so ugly that when she enters a strip joint, they pay her to keep her clothes on!"

Scourge: "Your mama's so fat that her blood type is Ragu."

Cheering erupts from the others.

Evil: "Your mama's so fat that she has to iron her clothes on the driveway!"

Scourge: "Your mother's so fat, that you have to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side!"

Evil: "Your mama's so fat that she has to wake up in sections."

Scourge: "Your mother's so fat that she she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose!"

Evil: "Your mama's so fat that the National Weather Service gives a name to each one of her farts!"

Scourge: "That one actually hurt a little. I thought we were foolin' around. Cut it out!"

Evil: "Your mama's so fat, she has more folds that an origami accordion!"

Scourge: "Cmon, man. Stop!"

Everyone screaming, Mortal Kombat style: "FINISH HIM!"

Evil: "Your mama's so radiant, that if she fell in nuclear waste, nobody would notice."

Everyone: "ONE MORE!"

Evil: "Your mama's so perky, the only time she's low is at a limbo contest!"

Scourge: Your mama's so thrifty, she brings coupons to the penny arcade!"

Everyone sighs.

"Scourgey." Fiona says. "You've lost. Don't embarass yourself."

"Damn it." Scourge mumbles.

"Hmph." Evil smiles triumphantly.

In the end, they decided to give the double share to Evil.

So, while Evil was laughing maniacally at Scourge while constantly poking him with the arm of his new TR-70, Scourge just sighs, thinking of how much Evil will bleed when Scourge shoves him into a Lawnmower's blades.


End file.
